Sunday, January 17, 2010 '

you told me you liked someone else today.
i tried to be happy.
i tried to sound happy.
tried to not feel sad.
then i tried to cry.
to let it all out.
but, i failed. i failed all those.
i wrote in the notebook you gave me, i stared at the voodoo doll.
i was actually starting to feel okay.
then you told me " she tell me not to tell anyone"
i don't know why, but you know how much that hurts.
well, it hurts a great deal. like this thing piercing into you.
hahs, well thennnn, i shed a few drops of tears. lol.
i think being able to cry it out is better, agreed ?
you'll be able to get over much more quickly (:

the feeling faded, but i know, i still love you.
however, it's just too selfish to keep you here while i'm being such a ____.
oh wells, i hope it's better this way.

blah blah blah.
am i fine?
no. but does it matter ?
no.
so ?
hahs, it hurts, but so what ?

Saturday, October 10, 2009 '

why do you always give me such feelings.
sucker. i hate you. hate you hate you. :'(
I HATE WHAT I'M FEELING NOW.

'

lol, it's 6 in the morning and i suddenly woke up.
i realised, that maybe you don't care. i always believed you did but somehow sometimes i'll feel that way.
i was crying away last night for reasons that were all my fault. mum blah blah blah.
thank god chicken was there for me. yea, but i needed or maybe just wanted someone else around. hmmm, but he doesn't have to. so yea, it's just too bad for me. lol. at least there're others :)

Monday, May 25, 2009 '

words of yours can make my feelings go like a roller coaster.
yes, i may not bruise easily , but i will still hurt.
i love you

Thursday, May 21, 2009 '

i hate what i'm feeling.
haha, i wanna run away from wtv i'm facing. so random and i dunno what i'm facing , but i wanna run away from reality back to the past.

i hate the i love you :/

Thursday, April 30, 2009 '

this blog should be dead.
i shouldn't have held on. or maybe , i held on unknowingly, even after you decided to let go.
what's wrong with me.
i told myself , it wouldn't matter.
i told myself, things can't go back. and i don't want it to.
i wanted to not have such boundaries.
i treated you coldly sometimes on purpose , i wanted to not feel it.
yar , now it's all what i've done. i can't blame anyone but myself.
why do i always realise the significance when it's gone. why.

i miss you terribly. crying won't change the fact but it relieves the ache.

happy birthday.

i love you.piggy.

Sunday, February 15, 2009 '

i'm sorry

it's too late to apologise , but there's nothing else i can say.
i can't refuse , i've no right.
i guess it's better this way -
i am very sorry for all the shit i've done.

i hate this.
but it's all caused by myself.
what else can i say , what else .
nothing.

the emptiness in me.
yar , life goes on - it has to .

i love you ,
for the last time , piggy.

Thursday, January 1, 2009 '

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

may everyone be happy and have a great year ahead ! :D
HAPPY 2009 ! :D

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 '

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXANNE ! :D

LOVE YOU LOTS
and ENJOY YOUR DAY :D

misses you <3

'

hello hello (:
its been so long since i last posted.
DIE !
i didnt go for CO again , ytd.
shit. 3 times in a row alrdy, and there was an interaction with jurong sec CO ytd. OMG ! i'm so gonna die. but at least i had fun, so i think the err, sacrifice was worth it . :X

hehe. so i had 6e'06 chalet on monday till ytd. it was only 1 night.
rahh ! i want more nights (:
hmm, the chalet booked by sergin was FANTASTIC ! :D
it was more like a hotel room (: the bathroom even has a jacuzzi.
DAMN GOOD ! sadly, we didnt use the jacuzzi cos we didnt have enough time.
hmm, so we had fun i guess, at least i did (:
many many 6e peeps came :D so it's a success ! :D

and sorry tt there wasnt a bbq.
but still we had dinner, though not very very yummy.

things we did :
guys wrestled.
girls played card games. then edmund and girls played poker.
lost. then we watched little nonya while waiting for the guys to get us our dinner - prata.
they took AGES !
but thanks anw . . .
then we after dinner we played pass the parcel, made by grace. (:
it was fun (: at the beginning !

all the forfeits done :

cedric massaged ser gin's leg.
wai chong said hello in 6 languages.
shao jun wrote her name with her butt.
yumi did shi lian pai.
wai chong piggy-backed yumi.
ada had to say com on baby with a seductive tone - she said it to arvin.
edmund sang for 1 minute.
yun han danced.
chong yan stood in the position showed in a magazine.
some of the forfeits were torn off cause they could not be done.
then admund did a forfeit which was actually none of my business. but he had to hug a person from the opp gender born in december. and say sarang heyo and exchange rings provided by grace. WTH.
so we did tt, we're sporting. . . .
and there were videos taken.
crap.

aftertt , the most of the girls left.
leaving me and sergin to fend for ourselves. lol .
some guys left too
leaving 7 guys.
then we cleared the place full of rubbish.
then both of us watched them wrestle. LAME >.<
guys. . . .

then we played guo wang de you xi.
then we did dumb stuff.
had dumb photos taken and blah blah.
then we played blind mice (: fun fun. till 2+ then we played warlords and scumbags.
hehe. then after tt we cleared some stuff then ser gin went to sleep and the guys watched wrestling stuff while i sat there to stone.
then we watched a horror movie on tv.
and darn wai chong had to keep scaring me . idiot !

then we went to eat macs. stupid security guard.
screw them !!!! rawr.
then we went back to bathe then slept.
we slept on the floor. crap ! cause arvin and gabriel were on the bed fast asleep.

woke up watched tv then went to ed's house cause i decided not to go home and change anymore before going to cini with all of them.
watched bolt. i almost fell asleep but it was not bad.
then ate lunch and dinner tgt. then CHIONGED to my granma's house.

then home sweet home and SLEEP ! :D

Wednesday, December 3, 2008 '

FIFTEEN ! :D

well, i'm fifteen at last :) just turned 15 ytd... hmm, had quite a enjoyable day ytd :) thanks everyone who wished me :)
THANK YOU ! :D

anw, thanks for the presents ppl :)

and kor , i miss you - cheer up kays :D i'll support you no matter how heavy you are , for as long as you want. :) loves.

^_^ 12.50am.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 '

well, i'm really trying to sleep, but i can't fall asleep :(
i'm lying in bed posting using my phone.
haiz, you know, it sucks to be so so bored... i'm rereading breaking dawn cause i've absolutely nothing else enjoyable to do.
sigh, i'm so so trying to sleep.

and kor, CHEER UP ! :D
my kor, has to be a happy man ! :)
Loves ! <3
be happy kays ? :)

i'll be waking up at 4 to wish some dumb gambler good luck, so i guess i'll get some sleep now, or maybe continue reading breaking dawn :)
it's still as breath takingly nice and the incredible feeling it gives me hasn't worn off.
haha, and it makes me fantasize :) it kinda keeps me less bored and happy :D better than you do ! XP
leave me alone when i need you, that's what you kinda always do ! RAWR !
no doubt, he's better than you at taking care of me.
hahs, but i can take care of myself ! :)
hehe, blogging with my phone makes me not think that much before typing and i can't make the words invisible :( lol.
i guess i'm crapping, so ppl, don't bother at all- heh :)

i'll go entertain myself with other things.
night ! :)
1.51am
Good night kor, good night ppl ! good night, lil boy ! :)
kor, cheer up ! loves :)

Loves ! and best of luck to dumb gambler :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 '

dear piggy,
DARN !
haiz , i'm sorry sorry sorry that i'm so so weird . i so wanna say that i'll always always love you, forever and ever, but i can't. i'm so afraid tt
i'll not. so afraid tt i'll break these promises . i suck at such stuff. damn damn. i'm such a selfish idiot :( rawr .would you care if i didn't
my skin sucks like hell . . .
bother you for a day , or would you feel happy and relieved ? would you talk to me , if i didn't start talking ? although it may seem that i'm calculative or something , it kinda makes me sad when you kinda ignore me. not when i talk to you but . . . oh crap... i'm not good at such
i'm having sunburn every week ! when it's like getting better , i get sunburnt AGAIN ! . .
stuff. well , i think you care at least and you're kinda sweet sometimes. and tt's what's keeping me going and being so hmmmm , i dunno, it's not for me to say . it may actually be nothing. but it's kinda not me , comparing when i was with nicky or edmund. i never did such lame
damn .
stuff, and sending those dumb or so msges. lol. i NEVER thought of doing such stuff. i feel so weird. . .i've absolutely no idea what i'm talking about or what am i saying such stuff for. hahs. just some crap (:
and i have like a thousand bites on my legs which make me scratch like crazy.
anw , you're missed ! xD
somehow, i hope you'll not read or visit my blog .
so there's like lots of wounds and scars ; (
i dunno what i'm expecting from you, but i know i shouldn't expect at all.
it's better.
damn - ugly legs.
and piggy , i'm sorry if i hurt or offend you in any way kays.
i know , i'm bad :(
sorry sorry sorry :(
i miss going out with you girls. i miss you all !
hmm, i am fickle minded .
i think you shouldn't bother about me in case you get hurt.
i guess none of you will see this but i still wanna say , i love you all XP
though i yearn for your concern , your love, your hugs , your kisses , for you . . .
what am i saying !!!!!!!
i sound downright LESBIAN. heh.
`i dont deserve anyone's love. i guess.

FREAKKKKKKKK ! i'm crazy again.
and i'm trying to get sane . . . .
i am weird and ironic and dumb. sorry :(

'

TIRED !

well, i slept at 2am again ytd . . .
and i woke up at 6.30 am for class cip at ccab.
from 9-3 . hahs , so i'm back home now , TIRED . . .
lucky , piano is postponed to tmr morning. heh (:

heh, 'boyfriend' is such a useful word ; THANKS eunice (:


haiz , didn't talk . . .
sorry for being dumb and stupid ytd ;(
take care kays . . .

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 '

READ THIS ! :D
http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm

haiz , for some reason , i'm feeling bad again ;

:(
imissyou , but i don't feel like meeting you;(
anw ,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA ! :D

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 '

piano was drats :(
kinda wasted that 40 bucks for piano .
played scales . . .
and i sneezed after playing ascending, then i had to replay that scale then i sneezed halfway again !
sucks.
then played pieces. only played C3.
and i sneezed and had to blow my nose after playing a few bars. haiz :(
hah, used 1/2 a box of tissues. . .
life sucks when you're down with a flu.
i can't even play gb properly.
and my stomach still hurts like NUTS ! :(

hahs , i think i gonna be down with a fever soon
grins.

i wanna go out ! :(

'

holidays kinda suck : (
i'd rather wake up at 6am , fall asleep in class, face boring teachers than be stuck at home trying to rush out 15 zuowens.

and nothing is keeping you out of my mind. damn!
i need to do something fun and entertaining to keep my mind of you!
since , i can't talk to you, i hate missing you.
rawr!
blocks my mind from everything related to you.
SHOO !

i wanna go out!
but, those who have asked me out are a least bit enjoyable to be with.
(except kor and beloved friends)

hmm, i suppose there's a XYz outing tmr or something but i've received such a teeny weeny bit of info about it that i don't feel like going or err, they don't want me to go ? haha.
my life is so freaking BORING !
and i need some excitement.

haiz, i've gotta rush many things out by 6pm !
do 1 zuo wen. which is gonna take me bout 2 hours?
wash 2 hamster cages.
help my hamsters take a bathe. which will take me also bout 2 hours?

lol, it's 2.05pm now.
but i wanna play ! :(

okay , maybe holidays don't suck that badly, but it's still kinda boring. . .
fickle- as always.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 '

hello (:
hahs , went to play pool with kor ytd (:
had fun and i missed kor ! :D
kor, you gotta be happy kays! :D
LOVES ~

today-
went to vivo to meet rox with vic (:
i finished 3/15 zuo wen :D

hahs, had an okay time at cca but i left early cause my stomach hurt real badly.
hmm, so yea.
went to my grandma's house for dinner then went to lot 1
and walked around till 9.30pm
sian .

hahs ,
i wonder ppl come to those conclusions. .
lame -.-

********* holidays are boring ********
IMISSYOU! isowannaseeyou :(
`going mad.

Saturday, November 8, 2008 '

i'd rather the feelings change
if you feel would feel happier
if you have to expand that much and have to bear with what i'm causing.

Friday, November 7, 2008 '

hello !
thanks victoria for treating us and spending so much on us and playing.
sry tt you had to spend so much too.
;( next time i treat you.
you all must celebrate my bday with me ! lol.
XD if you all can.
hmm, had fun playing ddr today (:
first time playing and it is so fun (:
grins ! can jian fei :D :D

so yea , altgt i had a super fun time !:D
i love DUMB FAMILY ! :D

and i'm not wishing victoria happy birthday today !
lol.

hmm, at last we took neos tgt (: been so long since we last did .
but the neos are super small ;(
hahs, still it was a GREAT DAY ! :D

and i'm kinda happy with my results ((:
YAY !
hols, HELLO ! :D

Thursday, November 6, 2008 '

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

Saturday, November 1, 2008 '

it's not easy to not care just like that kays .
I
i DON'T WANNA CARE !
damn it !
HAVE
i feel like not bothering anymore.
but you always seem so . . . haiz .
TO
i am too too too sensitive.
an overly-sensitive dumbass.
SLEEP !
i want to stop, but i can't

Friday, October 31, 2008 '

OH YES !
i must exclaim that ; " today , I FELL DOWN AGAIN ! "
i landed right on my butt. haha :D

dumb sihua.
run run run and smack my back.
then somehow , my shoe and the track too slippery, not enough friction .. err, to withstand my weight ??? or the force the sihua exerted on me .
so, i slipped and FELL ! landed right on my butt !
lol; i hope no one except those arnd me saw. lol; haiz.
it's TWO times this week.
one flat on the face.
the other , on the butt.
lol; i should go to balancing classes man .
GRINS XD

'

3 CHEERS FOR MINOTAUR !
woots (: mino is the champion house for this year sports day (:
YAY !

lol ; it was rather fun. sitting under the scorching sun cheering with victoria (:
but , now , my nose is all red ! sunburn ...
lol (:

went to vivo with sihua , vic , seow rong and roxanne .
been ages since i went out with all 4 of them, usually only got sr and vic .
haha; i do miss roxanne !
lol. .
so today we went to vivo , ate then sihua went home . . . as usual -
haiz, sihua and rox dislikes 2D . . . .
hmm, the 4 of us went to the arcade ; hahs .
DAMN OLD UNCLE who works at some sze chuan restaurant !
GO TO HELL MAN !
i am 90% sure he stole sr's timezone vip card .
damn old uncle ! hmpf ! ! !

after arcade we shopped for accessories then ate Haagen Dazs ice cream (:
YUMMY !

hahs, vic and sr - STOP TALKING ABOUT IT !
i'm alrdy trying my best to forget it !
lol; i was mad kays ! ! ! ! ! ! ! RAWR !

hahs , anyway , it was nice hanging out tgt again. it's been so long since the 4 of us went out . hahs (:
LOVES !

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 '

ZHENZHI IS AS CLUMSY AS EVER !
lol, i ponned CO today (: with sihua
i was telling [ screaming ] to rachel [ on the 3rd level ] that i didnt have to go CO while walking backwards ..
then ! i tripped on a curb behind me and fell backward . HAHA !
a natural reflex to turn around so my face would be facing downwards ?
lol ; then i put my arms out to cover my face .
apparently Jing Kai thinks it would still give me a chance to stand for some modelling crap or miss singapore crap .
L - A - M - E !
whatever !
hmm, so i landed face down on the rough ground surface on the side road of the performing arts block .
LOL ! i was lying flat there laughing !
hahs , there was SO many ppl laughing at me !
apparently cailing laughed till she sat down on the floor.
damn ! NO MORE FACE !
and sihua DIDN'T even try to help me up ! she just stood beside me and STARED !
lol . well , at least it was just grazes on my knees , legs and elbow (:
no blood ! :D

hmm, i kinda screwed lit paper 1 ! lol;
33/50. compared to lit paper 2 .
lit paper 1 is HORRENDOUS ! but oh wells (: i don't care !
and i PASSED PHYSICS !
WOOHOO !

hmm, i finished the whole series of twilight :(
i'm so gonna reread it !
hmm, the ending was G.R.E.A.T ! :D

hehs , i did matrices at the lib with sihua today. so much for ponning cca .
LOL ! still it was fun playing ddr on the graphic calculator . (:

haha , so the clumsy girl who reminds ppl of all the bad points of renesmee and bella is tired and shall go off to slack (:

Friday, October 24, 2008 '

hello (:
school is SIAN these days we just watch movies and get back results .
it's not as if i wanna have lessons , but it's sian lar ! why can't the hols start now !
;D results . . .
so far , the results i've gotten :

LIT paper 2 - 41/50
HCL paper 2 - 67/110
MATHS paper 1 - 65/80
MATHS paper 2 - 65/80
BIO - 72.5/90
CHEM - 72/90
SS - 27/40

lessons are resuming soon :( SIAN !
haiz. . .

simple - minded.
i guess , sometimes i'm too simple-minded for my own good.
then i don't know what's going on and what's wrong.
yea .
whatever . . .
i'll try to change . maybe i will . TRY . . .
hahs , i'll still smile (: for you ? . . haha.

Thursday, October 23, 2008 '

CONTROL !
yea , i will not care how much i miss you.
yes . i will control (:

i'm not gonna care . . .

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 '

uhh . just had piano lesson .
i am really really really freaking tired !
i wanna sleep for 24 hours !
heh . hmm , i wanna get eclipse ! got breaking dawn but not eclipse. lol . rather dumb :)

rahh ! all my pimples are popping out !
shucks ! i'll become pimply soon -
:( :(

maths paper 2 - 65/80 also .
hahs .
hmm . SS wasn't good but average lar, 27/40 . . . B3

oh wells , at least my parents are satisfied for now (:
haha :D
i am too (:

ohh , i've decided to not care . . . hahs.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 '

WOOTS !
just finished new moon ! hahs ; it was so so sad but it's ending is FABULOUS !
YAY YAY YAY ! ! ! :DDDDD

well , another boring day of school tmr .
no morning assembly :(
not as if i like morning assembly but . . . haha ( :
no assembly cos of the financial lesson which is something im kinda looking forward to ;
but i like assembly too . . .
hahs ,
anyways , i am in a SUPER MOOD now !
grins ! the book is affecting me like crazy ! lol .
i think i can srsly feel what bella feels lar .
haha . me and my crap XP
oh wells , i had quite a fun day (:

1st period - SLEPT through 1hr of chi while it was showing san guo yan yi
2nd period - played games during bio and READ !

BREAK !

3rd period - lang arts , watched pleasantville and READ !
4th period - learnt about brownian motion and boyle's law [physics] and READ !
5th period - watched THE NAMESAKE during lit which is nc 16 [ it has horny sexual references] grins XP
6th period - maths ! got back maths paper 1 - 65/80 .
relatively alright . hahs .

CCA ~ READ READ and READ !

lol; so overall , i read my day away (:
i could even stop myself frm msging while reading the book !
the book has fascinating powers uh XD

Monday, October 20, 2008 '

I HAD A GREAT TIME TODAY !
cause the movies were great .
cause i met roxanne .
cause roxanne lent me new moon .
cause i met leo and ck .
cause we had a nice talk .
most importantly , cause you accompanied me . (:

LOL . okay , i'm crapping .
went to cine today .
watched connected
then watched butterfly lovers
sorry , pang seh-ed chikan ; i just didnt wanna watch house bunny again .
sorry sorry .
and all the ' suan-ing ' were harmless kays !
just for fun XP

rawr , there were so so many rv-ians there !

hahs , connected ( :
was nice !
but , sorry that you had to watch it again in another language . hahs .
sorry !
hahs , roxanne , thanks !

hmm , butterfly lovers . . was REALLY REALLY TOUCHING !
sob sob sob . so diu lian !
and the theatre was COLD !
hahs , anw , i was kinda . . . feeling nice and warm .
thanks for being there (:

hahs , ck was LAME and funny ?
well , i didn't know a potato had jealousy XP
if ck's inference was right .
ahaha XD

thanks for sending me home :D

yea , fine , i've no control ! but i will try !
I WILL MASTER THE ART OF HAVING SELF CONTROL ! I PROMISE I WILL !

sorry sorry sorry.
that you had to forsake your friends and your sleep [ your priority ]
sorry !
hahs , thanks anw :D

~ily'

Sunday, October 19, 2008 '

WOOTS ! i'm a happy girl (:
yay ! thanks so much mr. potato :D
grins ! i love you !
guilty eh , make you ps your friends : (
sorry sorry ! still, i'm happy (:
YAY ! lol .
so there's something for me to look forward to (:

tmr , watching connected ! and house bunny AGAIN !
cause ck asked me to , lol .
wtv , i'm such a nice friend yea ? XP
hahs !

thanks thanks thanks potato ! :DD
i'm down with a really bad cold , so i'm going to sleep soon .
hahs , i wanna watch butterfly lovers ! RAWR ! i wanna watch that ! :X
i dont wanna watch house bunny with ck and leo .
i wanna watch butterfly lovers ! hahs (:
maybe some other day . . . hahs
maybe . . .
hmm , and i wanna watch the coffin too !
haha, im so greedy !
i wanna watch sing to the dawn too ! :D
haha, i'm totally crapping.

anw , thanks piggy , lots lots !
谢谢你很多很多 :D
grins !
aishiteru ~ eu te amo ~
lol, i'm freaking lame :X

Saturday, October 18, 2008 '

lol .
TOO MUCH TIME ISN"T GOOD ALSO !

haiz , so bored !
totally nothing to do .
no one to talk to .
really very very very sian .
lol . srsly nothing good to do , except playing games ?
but , i don't really like to . quite boring -
heh . really no one to talk to .
potato always gtg , then nicky doesn't talk to me also .
:( :( :(
maybe i do wanna talk to nicky .
he just doesn't reply .
haiz. whatever .when i need someone , there's no one.
when i dont need , everyone is here and i take for granted : (

when i was super sad , he was sleeping . nicky didn't reply . lol ;
too bad ! i just keep taking things for granted , so now , i end up having nothing .
yea , i think so .
i'm giving up ! i will stop being bothered about nicky !
totally treat it as i don't know him or something .
haiz . .
shit eh . i don't wanna emo , but there isnt anything else for me to do .
: (
RAWR !


***

i guess i need some love ?
lol .

Friday, October 17, 2008 '

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER !

watched house bunny with sihua, vic and sr today (:
it was NICE ! :D

you always look so cute when you appear in my sight . hahs
I MISS GASTON !
i am an idiot .
i will control.

Thursday, October 16, 2008 '

haha ! the last 2 papers are tmr ! maths paper 2 and cid .
SIAN ! but it's finally going to be over . ( :

RAHH ! i don't like to control when there isnt a need to . when there was a need to you didnt make me control myself . then now , i have to control myself : (
DUMB ! and so in the end , yea . i still feel into the endless pit . haiz . srsly a black hole lar .
after you go in , you won't be able to really come out .
lol ! you are a MEAN piggy .
dumb dumb potato ( :

lalala ~ i'm still avoiding you as much as i can .
but i think i won't be soon . no point XP
i'll just pretend nothing happened . grins (:

okay , practice maths ! :D
good luck to ME ! and everyone ! (:

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 '

DIE !

bio and lit tmr !
last 4 papers !
rawr !

physics was better than mid years . haha ( :
guess i'll have a borderline pass or fail ?
not too bad ; i suppose .

~ no matter what , it still matters. a little ?

lol ! whatever lar .

anyway , yea , i'll just have to avoid you . haha .
rahh !
heh . it's so good that you can msg now .
you know , imissyou . srsly.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

lalala .

forget bout everything and study !

DISCLAIMER

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❤TAN ZHEN ZHI

obviously, i am tanzhenzhi
rvhs. qifaprimary
3etc`08. 2destiny`07 . 6e`06 rvCO. XYz.
minotaur
01/12/93
i do not seek for attention

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